Waiting While the Weightloss Waits

Good Morning, afternoon, or evening depending on when you read this.

As you know, if you have been reading my blog, my life has been quite...let's say, interesting shall we? We are still in the hotel but have been upgraded to a one bedroom suite. It is so nice just to have space and a bigger place. We now have a living room, a bigger kitchen area and a separate bed room which Bob really needed. He has to be at work at 4:00 am so he goes to bed at 8:00 or 9:00 and in our old room there was no place for me to go in the evening and going to sleep that early was next to impossible...I tried. Anyway, Bob had a hard time sleeping with me around no matter how quiet I was. This room we are in now feels more like a home and Bob can go to bed and close the door. Hopefully, he will feel better and be more energetic. I love my husband soooo much! He is awesome, so patient, so helpful and loving. 31 years and counting.


Let's talk about weight for a few minutes. I have been gaining and losing 12 pounds for the last couple of months. I did go through a time just being nauseated by food. It was so cool. I am still doing that occasionally when I run a fever. Yep, still running fevers.

Once again I am running into those who are ignorant of the ordeal of being obese. So many think that you just eat less and exercise more and you know what? For the regular person that just needs to lose 10 or 15 pounds that is a true statement in most cases. I  don't know about you but I start to feel guilty again thinking about what a lousy person I am because I can not follow through with this seemingly simple plan..."here I go again Lord, as usual I have failed."  "What's the use" and the pattern continues with you covering your true you in layers of food. We set ourselves up to fail the minute we set the goals we know we can not keep. Small goals such as just getting through the day or sometimes even the hour.

It is not that we do not desire deeply - because we do - to do the right thing it is simply that we do not have the knowledge we  need to accomplish with what we must get from our creator.

About a month ago I talked about the scripture in Deuteronomy 30:19 about God presenting to us life and death with the Lord telling us to choose life. Wow, it sounds like maybe that is the first step in a weight loss life style, to choose life. I know it is a step that I have taken and every day there are choices to make. Sometime these choices are hard and I don't always make the right one. Sometimes I seldom make the right one. I let emotional issues dominate.

As I have mentioned before in one of my previous post the Doc's say I am bipolar and can enter into some deep "not caring moods". This is  not an excuse for not choosing life but it is a reason. When I am in these down moods it can make total sense for me to pig out because I just don't care or just want to give up. I have to realize what is real and what is not and "talk myself down" from the ledge - so to speak.

Now, I know you do not have to be bipolar to have these experiences yourselves. I know that many of you struggle with these things sometimes daily. I am right there with you and I know how hopeless and helpless you sometimes feel. My heart knows the pain and tears that come when the frustration of negative decisions hits and the guilt and gut - wrenching reality hits when you stand on the scale. Once again you feel like a failure...I am about to say something you have heard before but does very little good coming from me. Don't stop there! Tomorrow will come and a new day will bring new opportunities. "You are not a failure. You are not unloved. You do not have to feel the guilt that makes you feel like less of a person and unworthy of love. Look around, there are many that the Lord has put in your life that love you." I am one. This is no small thing but it is worth the ride.

I can not tell you what to do but when I am failing in my eating habits and I feel the guilt, the shame and the hopelessness...I start again the next day. It has brought results and I have lost over 54 pounds in 6 months. It could have been more if I would have been dilegent. I have not always practiced what I preached and the struggle goes on. But I have lost 54 pounds! Start over everyday knowing that the LOVE OF GOD remains and He will not depart from you.

I have more good news for you...Above all GOD LOVES YOU. He will NOT stop loving you:
1. Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we^[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
 ⁶ You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
 ⁹ Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! ¹⁰ For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! ¹¹ Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.


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 Thank you again for reading my blog. Thank you to for those who have commented on facebook because of the difficulty of leaving a comment on my post. Thank you for the encouragement and love you have shared with me.

Thank you for bringing us all together in this time of desiring to do what is right.  Lord bless all of those who read this blog and give ministry to those who glean something from the words I have shared. Give hope oh Lord where there is none and show your love to those who need to feel you near. Give them signs and wonders, a speedy loss of weight but Lord mostly bring them through this wilderness with knowledge and the wisdom of your word. Thank you that you belong to us and we belong to you despite what we think. In Jesus name ~ AMEN

 

Shepards are Awesome...

Ok so, once again it has been a while. No excuses, I simply didn't feel much like blogging...

Over the last few weeks we have - once again had some really weird things happen. I just got out last Monday after spending a week in the hospital with a cellulitis infection and now I get to give myself these really cool IV balls...seriously they are little golden Christmas-ish looking ball that I plug into my picc line in my artery until the ball looks like an apple core. It has a heavy plastic thing around it that makes it look like a dead bird or an airplane when it is empty. I plug it into a line and my artery sucks the med out. Pretty cool, huh? Huh?

Seriously though, I gained a total of 15 pounds while in the hospital. I gained mega water weight though in my leg, it was huge, not kidding. It was almost 3 times as big as my other leg at one point. Not to mention that I did nothing but sleep and eat for a week. By the end of the week though I lost all desire for food. I would take three bites of something and be nauseated at the thought of food I have finally reached my first goal of after five years weighing under 400 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like this nausea thing.
I lost all of the weight and more Wooooooo Hooooo! Now that's what I am talking about!
I have also witnessed to half a dozen nurses and  two doctors.

God must have given me a ministry to those in the medical field I can't seem to get away from them asking me direct questions about my faith. Not always of course but enough to keep me interested and prepared for the possibility when I go to an appointment. Plus, God just reminds me of scriptures and in a couple of cases has given me scriptures, words of knowledge and wisdom. It is really cool.
The ironic part about this is that I have always thought of myself as stupid, slow and pretty much useless. Therefore I have felt VERY intimidated by highly educated people and even people in general. Mostly due to some dark areas of my past.  I am still a little nervous but through the years the Lord has assured me that I am not stupid. He has also given me wisdom. God is AMAZING!

It kinda reminds me of David. I used to sing this song at church. It was "Shepard Boy" by Ray bolts. When I first began singing this song I could feel the Lord telling me gently that I was His Shepard Girl.
I of course thought that was ridiculous and that I was being proud and well, stupid. Then I kept getting prophesies of being Gods special servant or some even said Shepard. I also received many prophecies of being a "force to be reckoned with" and a "Warrior clad in diamond armour". Yeah, I know, right?

I hope I am not sounding pompous or puffed up. I am truly in awe and wonderment that the Lord is using me this way and I give ALL the GLORY to HIM. I can guarantee I have nothing to do with this except show up and even that is God most of the time. I believe all of us are "Shepard's" of one type or another

Here is the song that so many times has brought me to tears. Please, please, please listen to it and know it is not just me that this song is for:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSIW0bAxOws&feature=player_detailpage


PS: WE ARE STILL IN THE HOTEL (SEVEN WEEKS NOW) AND THEY HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON OUR HOUSE. THEY SAY WE WILL BE HERE FOR ANOTHER SIX TO EIGHT WEEKS. WE WOULD APPRECIATE PRAYER FOR WISDOM, DIRECTION AND FOR THE WORK TO COMMENCE...THANK YOU SO MUCH...BE BLESSED.

Hunting Wabbits and finding Mud Holes

Things have been exciting around here! I have been walking my dog around the hotel and letting her run in the field next door which has been fine. She always comes back when I call - always. Well, she found a rabbit and took off after it. Bob I called and called and nothing. So I thought 'hey, why don't I drive to Locust St. in my power chair  and get Shy on the other side'? It SEEMED like a good idea at the time. Anyway, I'm rolling along calling for Shy and couldn't find her. So, I decided to head home and see if she came back. I called Lindsay and she said Shy was back.

I was heading down a sidewalk toward Abbott Drive (the airport road). The sidewalk ended so I thought I would just try to ride in the grass until I could get to a driveway not too far up. The sidewalk had a pretty good drop of and mud. I didn't see the mud and got stuck. I had to get up and push my chair out which is very difficult and painful for me to do but I did it. Wait, it gets better. I went back down the sidewalk and drove in the road. I had mud on my feet and on the wheels of my chair. I saw a puddle of water and thought 'maybe if I drive through the water it would clean my tires off and maybe get the excess mud from between my toes. It SEEMED like a good idea at the time.

There was a drop off with a large hole and at the bottom of the hole was more mud. My chair fell off the road into the hole and my chair was leaning to the right. I though I would get out of my chair to push. That is when I found the mud. My foot got stuck in the mud and I fell - in the mud. I tried to stand up and push my chair out but no luck. My right hip, which I was already having trouble with, was much worse and my right leg twisted and I think I pulled something cause it really hurts. Anyway, Two cars stopped. They were so nice and so helpful and very nice. Two men got my chair out and the girl with one of the guys helped me get back into my chair. One of the drivers gave me a towel and the girl helped clean me up a little. I thanked them and told them I was ok now and that I was staying close by and they left. I did see one of them drive by a couple of times on my way back to the hotel. Though I was feeling rather humbled by then. I was impressed and thanking God for the rescue.

When I got home I showered and Bob cleaned up my chair. My hip and leg are pretty messed up but I am so thankful and learned that there are some people out there that are willing to help. Once again God came through and sent someone to the rescue - GOD IS GOOD!!!!

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Thank you LORD for sending help when I needed it! Thank you for watching over me and caring for me even over the small things.


Bless those wonderful people who stopped to help. Reward them for their willingness to help others and for their concern that went beyond just getting me out of the mud. Bless those too that drove by instead of stopping that they may witness your hand working in their lives in mercy and grace. Bring them to and everlasting relationship with you...In JESUS name ~ AMEN

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"He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me".  Psalm 18:19 

Silly Walks and Wilderness Talks

 Hi friends!! I have missed you all. So much has happened and I have so much to say so get the coffee, sit back and prepare for the venting of the "crazy weighing in lady".
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So many of you have told me how much you all like this blog and how you can relate to the contents. I know I say this a lot but I just can't get over the fact that so many people read this blog - even people I do not know! I have had 1333 hits on this sight...1333!!  That is probably not a lot in Blog World but in Niecie World it is pretty cool. Well, I guess I have stumbled onto something... :) So I will submit to my  Lord and my peeps and continue this Journal / Journey with y'all. ;-p.


Well through the weight loss part of this "chapter" in my life I have lost 50 lbs. I probably would have lost 60 to 70 if I would have stayed true to myself. On the other hand I have lost 50#...I'll take it! My clothes are finally starting to get too big - technically I guess it is me who is getting smaller. Don't think clothes grow. Okay, yeah, maybe the stretchy ones but you get my meaning...hmmmm, I am picturing those sponges that grow into different shapes when you put them in water. Someone should invent clothes like that...What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, when we were in Texas and I swam or rather waded and sat in the gulf I noticed my swim suit started to fall off. Remember Monty Python's Flying Circus and the "Ministry of Silly Walks?" That was me limping to the car pulling things up, pushing things down and stuffing things back in. All while trying to breath and walk upright. I am sure people on the beach were turning their head to laugh. I would have...this was funny, I don't care who you are. See  http://youtu.be/IqhlQfXUk7w


I don't know how many of you know it but lately our family has been going through some rather odd circumstances. I found the perfect word to describe our lives of late - Tumultuous: agitated, clamorous,  excited, fierce, hectic, unrestrained, turbulent, vociferous (my new word of the month)..."He was vociferous in his argument". Anyway, I think you get the picture.

We are currently living in a hotel because while Bob and his friend from work were fixing our roof it rained vociferously and the roof had not yet been covered. So, yadda, yadda, yadda the ceiling in our kitchen, laundry room, and the girls bedrooms crashed to the floor. It is pretty crazy and trying to keep up with everything is hard. We have a Studio Sweet with a stove top, microwave and refrigerator. People from my church and family have been very helpful with gift certificates, bringing meals etc... The whole experience has been very eye opening. God has been blessing us left and right. It seems that when there is a need God fills it. He is so good.It is hard but the Lord will see us through.

We found out today that we had hail damage to our roof and the siding of our garage. There could be more we just looked quickly because we were in a hurry. Also, I was in the hospital to receive treatment for a staff infection and an injury to my hip making it nearly impossible to stand up plus I have to go in to have my spleen and groin lymph node removed and biopsied.

You really just have to laugh at this point - we do a lot. God is blessing us through the trials. People have given us money, gift certificates, and have cooked meals. Every time there has been a need the Lord has provided through His bride. Right now I am remembering how God supplied food to his people in the desert. They were in the desert but God supplied their needs. Elijah was in the wilderness and the Lord sent ravens to feed him with bread and meat. In both cases the people involved were in the wilderness. In one instance the Lord had mercy on His people though they were wining and complaining while with Elijah, he was obeying the Lords direction. I know I've written about living in the wilderness in a couple of my post
but well, that's where I am right now so I guess that is what you are going to hear about.

In these experiences I have drawn closer to the Lord which was my and prayer for the past three years. I am gaining back some ground, so to speak, in my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. I am once again feeling His presence, anxious to spend time with him. The Lord spoke something into my heart that He had said to me once before. I was complaining about how I don't see Corrin very often because of her job and her family. I complained that I hadn't seen her for a couple weeks and God said, "Sometimes I go for Months without hearing from you. I miss you too". OUCH!  Of course I was a puddle after that. Repenting to and worshiping Him.

Gotta go for now but I have a lot more to say so be ready! Thank you again for all the encouragements and well wishes. They mean more than you know. And thanks for being patient with me as well.

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Lord Thank you for my friends and family that you have given me. Thank you too for those who have brought us food or finances always at just the right time. You are so merciful to us and your grace knows no bounds. Thank you too Lord for the blessings of the wilderness that bring ever closer to you. We know that when times get hard it would be so much easier to give it all to you. You will always take care of your children.  Teach us to be quick to let go of the things we have no control over and that build walls between us and you Jesus. You are our shelter, our rock, our healer and provider. Seal these things in our hearts that we may remain steadfast and unshaken.
In JESUS name...AMEN!
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Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.
They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor, their righteousness endures forever;
 their horn will be lifted high in honor.
 The wicked will see and be vexed, they will gnash their teeth and waste away;
  the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.     ~ Psalm 112:6-10

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!!!

Don't know why my FOLLOWERS LIST isn't showing up lately but it seems I'm not the only one! There are tons of postings on the Help screen. There are some answers there but they are gibberish to me. Might as well be in Chinese. I'll get it figured out, always do. :-D I have 15 regular Followers now and there are always more on facebook and email, wow! A couple of times I've got over 30 responses! Who'd a thought I was that interesting, it still amazes me! One of these days I will stop saying that but I can't help it.

So, went to see Dr. C today, got weighed...not good, not good at all. I gained, still retaining water in my ankles, feet, legs, hands and face. still, no excuse for the gain on that scale. Is somebody out there not praying like they should, hmmm? Just kidding guys. Once again I haven't been perfect but I always get back up and keep going. I am really starting not to get this. I just am out of things to say at this point. Not sure what to do now. I will keep you posted - whether you like it or not.

I have had a couple of humiliating things happen this last couple of weeks regarding my weight and it has been really hard not to be frustrated with myself. Got to admit it gets harder to see myself "healthy". I know, I know it will happen. I am just sayin' - it has become very hard and frustrating. 

No poison ivy yet, I figure I have at least until this weekend to know if I will get it or not. I have never had it in my life even though I have slept in it, walked in it, fallen in it. I even picked some once when I was young to show my grandpa what it looked like - I suppose I was about 7 or 8. He knew. Apparently, he had a really bad case of it in WWII, like he even had it internally - nose, mouth, throat. I learned this by his reaction to me bringing it to him. He yelled at me and explained at length just what poison ivy can do. This was followed by a gasoline hand wash a bath, and a shower. Yep, it turned out to be quite traumatic, haha!

Sorry if this post was a bit of a downer. Maybe you can go back and read one of my more uplifting or funnier ones. There are a few of those.

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Lord, thank you so much for family and friends who care so much and are so patient to listen and pray for me. Everyday I see how blessed I am and how full you are of mercy and grace. Lead us all on the path of righteousness, strengthen us in your wisdom and in your Spirit. 
For those facing the floods Lord turn this around for your glory. Give us direction and insight as to our roll in this mess. Help us to be quick to respond to those in need of our help. Surround us with your peace and draw us all closer to you. In Jesus Name I pray AMEN!! 

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"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you" ~ Psalm 5:11

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~ Romans 15:13

Little Smilies and Poison Ivy's

Hi All, first God Bless you for your friendship, caring and not giving up on me! :-) It seems like whenever I am finding this weight loss frustrating and impossible or I am struggling with my physical or emotional issues, some one IM's me, emails or calls. It gives me a reason to move forward. I have had a rough couple of weeks and that happened four times in that time period - just out of the blue and just when I was feeling alone in this, ummmm  let's say "quest". God is good and I am blessed!

Well, haven't made it in for a weigh-in lately. It is just hard to get there with everything going on. I will go to see Dr. C tomorrow and will get weighed then.

I hope by now you all know that weighing-in doesn't just mean physical weight right? It also means weighing-in of stories, opinions and thoughts.

Stayed in cabins at Waubonsie State Park this past weekend!!!! My favorite place in my little world to be. Went camping with my sisters and their girls, Bob, Lindsay and Lindsay's boyfriend Derek. I love being with them all but my nieces had me almost rolling on the floor...OMG!! They are all so quick witted and very smart - they're Corcoran's, that is for sho! Jenna (13) was a complete goof ball and cracked me up with her little sayings and attitude! Allie (10) was making me laugh every time she opened her mouth. Katie (7) gave us all Astronomy lessons. For instance did you know that every city has a little dipper? I know right? Also, the big dipper has been misnamed it is really a big soup spoon! She'll work for NASA someday I am sure of it.  Katie also found out she wasn't really a warewolf which made her cry but she did do some tricks for me and when I asked if she could scratch behind her ears she grabbed her foot with her hand...and did. She also did some B boxin when she was the gangsta (not gangster) worm. It might not all sound as funny on paper but if you could have been there...you'd a been running to the rest room too. I LOVE MY NIECES TO PIECES!! Al and Jenna call me their camping mom - we are besties you know!

I took a long stroll on my power chair to see the beautiful sights. I was doing fine until I tried to get up the hill to get home. It was a two block hill and as I worked my way up my chair slowed down, overheated (it was 100 degrees) and finally stopped. I would shut it off for a while, go ten feet and shut it off again. I had about 1/2 a block to go when the towel that was on my seat fell off and wrapped itself around my right wheel. This took my chair, and me to the right and into a HUGE patch of waist high Poison Ivy!!! The poison ivy did stop me from careening into a ditch so I'm guessing there is probably a moral (or two) to this story.

An elderly couple stopped and asked if I needed help. Believe it or not I said no and I was fine, they just sast there looking at me then I thought about my predicament and said yes - pride is a funny thing. These lovely people helped me out and pushed my chair to the top of the hill. The woman said she had felt guilty about being there instead of helping with sandbags in Hamburg, IA but now felt a lot better about coming since she was able to help me. I blessed someone while being a total idiot... :) I told her that I believed God had her there at the right place at the right time, gave her a big hug and thanked her husband and went on my way only to discover I had blood running all over from all the scratches because of the blood thinners. Made it to the showers and had Patty run up a change of clothes and toiletries - The End (well it will never be the end because my family will NEVER let me live this down...)

Blessing to you all!!
Niecie

Never Shout Never - On The Bright Side Official Music Video