I will weigh in tomorrow. It has been a while and there is no new news I still stand at 34 pounds lost. But, I think I am finally beginning to understand 'why' I eat....and it ain't pretty.
I am struggling with a lot of pain. Apparently, I am having a "flair up" of some kind and my joints, legs, shoulders and muscles rebelling!! Thought I was past that but I guess not. Yet I know the Lord didn't lead me this far to stop now! So I would really appreciate the prayer. This fight can be tiring.
Just a reminder to some of you who may not understand the continual battle of the obese. Have mercy, please. When you are working so hard to change your life hearing childish comments and snickering as you walk by or giggling after you walk by makes things all the more difficult. You do not know where these people have been or what the reasons are for their obesity are so lighten up. I can guarantee if they knew why they were in that situation they would not be in it.
So, I have learned a lot about myself over the last few weeks. More than I ever think I wanted to know. Over the last couple of years I have been, as my Pastor calls it, 'in the wilderness' - I call it Wilderness World or WW. It is a remote barren place that seems to have no end. It is also one of the loneliest places I have ever been. It is like being a "Mental Hermit". People surround you, those you love are still in your life but there just seems to be a disconnect with it.
It is almost like being drawn away from the world. Only problem is, you don't know which way to go at first. You just kind of wander aimlessly until you tire then wander some more trying to figure out where you are going. Then, as in my case...you eat!! Cry, and then roam some more.
People would tell me that this was a place of growth. To me it felt like a place of pits and snares and mud canyons. ~~~~~~~Uh oh~~~~~~ flashback~~~~~~~~~We used to have this place at Camp Wa-Shaw tee called Lost Canyon. We would get to go once a year during our camp session. I can't remember how long we used to hike to get there but it was a ways - and seemed to be mostly up hill. When we would finally get there we would run down to this creek that filled with clear cool water, and then you stepped in and were up to your knees in mud!! Not kidding you! We had tug-o-wars over the mud we wresteled, waded, rolled, dove and swam in the mud, and it was thick! Anyway, as much fun as we had it was also inevitable that someone would get stuck and need to be pulled out of the mud. And shoes would be lost as well as other articles of clothing. Walking across that creek without falling was almost impossible. It was debilitating...but funner than heck! However, we would begin to wonder if the whole thing was worth it when we would begin the long trek back to camp. We were caked in mud it was on us, in our clothes, in our shoes - if we still had them, in our hair and soon it would begin to harden making you feel a little like the Tin Man in the Wizard of OZ. Usually the temperature would be in the 90's and by the time we would get back, get hosed down...yes, hosed down and took our showers - the only time we got hot showers by the way - we were spent and became zombies for the rest of the day. Hey, there's a novel idea "Attack of the Girl Scout Zombies" from lost canyon. Muuhahahahahahahahah!! Sorry, just a thought. :) The point, I think, is in the wilderness there are some "Lost Canyon's" appropriately named. Places in the Wilderness World that are hard to get through, time consuming and sometimes down right exhausting.
BUT, if you are walking through this wilderness now TAKE HEART!! Because you are not there alone. It may feel that way but you are not! The Lord is walking right along side of you. In my case He seemed rather quiet and it took me a while to figure out he was there because when I would get stuck in the mud and mire he would pull me out. When I was exhausted he would give me rest and when I was lost He would lead me. When I asked questions He answered and I wasn't always happy with the answer. I felt that I hadn't heard from Him for so long I was happy to hear anything. He has your attention I know He had mine.
I'm not out of the wilderness yet but I think - I think I am beginning to get it...
I continue to lift you all up in prayer and I am so thankful to have so many wonderful people walking through this with me. Thanks to you who have contacted me via comments, e-mail and facebook. It means a lot to hear feedback on this jibber-jabber. :)
