No Menu Yet

Soooo, still no menu for me but I went to an introductory class with Evi, this time I was her support. It turned out to be a two hour class that should have been 1 hour tops. It was mostly about the product line but tonight I will be busily looking for substitutions. There are only two mandatory supplements that you have to buy from them...that's cool.

My Doctors and Nurses care. My Counslor Cheryl helped us locate a manual wheel chair for about 1/3 of the price we were looking at - and figure we would have to wait a few months for. My nephew is a personal trainer and he has offered his advice. A friend that works at No Name Nutrition has offered her help. I have a cousin who is a Physical Therapist. Many others have offered to listen, transportation, escapes, the option to go to Sri Lanka for surgery if I need it... "The board is set, the pieces are moving" Gandalf the White.  I am so humbled, really, I never knew there were so many people out there wanting to help, I really am amazed. This is way cool and a little hard for me to take in. I am so thankful for the generosity, prayers and the Love of my family & friends.  This is being set up for something special down the road...There is a much bigger plan here then a weight loss program. God is amazing and I give Him the Glory for it ALL. I know too that God is going to be blessing you all big time. If any of you want to talk, text or im and if I can be of any help to you, please do not hesitate to get in touch. I am here for you all too. Also, knowing that so may people are behind me keeps me lifted up and encouraged. I have made a promise to myself that I will NOT give up this time.

I am sitting here listening to some Smooth Jazz while I write this....Ahhhhhhhh *sigh*. Gotta love Andre Ward.

I was so angry today, I mean I was angry! Today was probably the most painful day I have had. All of my joints are swollen and my muscles were hurting so much even the softest touch was painful. Everything I had to do was complicated by the pain and the lack of mobility due to the swelling. Trying to straighten out my left hand was even difficult. Not looking for sympathy here but just want you to understand how nasty this all was something just burst in me. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING MISERABLE!!! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF MY HUSBAND AND KIDS HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT ME DYING OR HAVING TO GO TO SOME KIND OF CARE FACILITY!! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!! I HATE THAT I AM EXHAUSTED!  Uh oh, the jazz stopped helping.

Dr. C., Evi and a few others were right. I have to hate this! I see what food is doing to me. I see how it is affecting my family and friends. The look of helplessness on their faces and even fear as they watch me get worse. Yet, they are loving me anyway...sometimes with tough love but they are loving me. They want me here for them - their kids, their weddings, their proms and their dances. I want to be there when they need me.  I want to be able to walk trails when we go camping. I want to go on rides at theme parks with my kids and they want it too. I have no excuses, I have no defense and yup I did this too myself and I am the only one that can undo this for myself. I hate what I have done!!! I despise the

I want to see food as a necessary evil I don't even want to 'enjoy' it any more. I almost feel at this point that food to me is like an abusive relationship. I go to it for comfort,or whatever, and it knocks me down, bruises me, sends me to my wheelchair crying and hating myself for allowing it to treat me this way. Then returning again the next day for more of the same...Man, have I been stupid!!

With all that being said, when you pray for me, please get angry with me. This needs to STOP! I can not allow it to go on any further! Pray for my heart to remain as it is now - with the same attitude. Put on the Holy boxing gloves with me!!! Let's do this!!

I hope it didn't get too weird and I didn't freak out too much for you. :)

"Lord, thank you so much for my family! They are the most wonderful gift I have ever received.I do not know where I would be without them and just seeing their faces every day brings joy to my heart and I can not, not smile. They are wonderful!
Thank you for my friends whom you have chosen to put into my life at this time. Lord I am truly humbled by the concern, prayer and support they have given freely. I see so many ways for me to be a better friend by their example.  Lord guard them and keep them strong. Bless and prosper them in body, in mind, and mostly in spirit where the true wealth lies. But Lord meet their physical needs as well. Speak to them all in dreams and visions. Draw them to you for peace, protection and strength. Show them, Jesus, who you are if they do not know already. In Jesus mighty name, Amen.


"The desire of the righteous ends only in good..." Proverbs 11:23

Be Blessed Always,
Niecie Dee

I'm sorry...what? No cream cheese?!?

Wow! Very Crazy days - yesterday and today! Evi and I weighed in yesterday...she did great, lost 3 pounds! Me? Not a single pound lost or gained, zero, nada. I didn't think I would lose too much since I haven't received my menu yet and am still trying to kind of figure this all out, but nothing?

Anyway, I came home feeling pretty bad and confused (not that that was too different). I really, really wanted to BINGE...but I didn't. I threw away the cream cheese I had stashed after receiving a call from Evi stating that I needed not to let the cream cheese control me but that I should control the cream cheese...she was right. She's usually right...I hate that! Love you though Evi.

I'm sorry guys...not feeling well...must go...to sleep. Fading fast...must find meds...one more... very important ..thing... before I go...matter of life and death...it's.........................................................

It's a Reason Not an Excuse

Well, Evi said I should blog and not eat anything until I finish soooooo, this may be a very short blog, :) lol. Hmmmm, where to start??? Ah, I know,  I wanted to mention that with all of the people who give obese people a hard time by their ignorant and demeaning comments and actions I am just as amazed by the kindness, understanding and compassion of people who want so bad to help but have no idea how.

My primary care physician and his staff are wonderful, they work so hard to help me find answers. I never feel judged, embarrassed or demeaned. It is a safe place for me. My church is another place that people are without judgement - the atmosphere is peaceful and welcoming. There are many caring, encouraging people out there.

Okay, so here's another confession. I am currently seeing a Christian Counselor who has been very instrumental in getting me to the point of change and even wanting to change. Another person who is stepping up to get me past these hurdles and it is another safe place to be. Sometimes I don't want to leave but they frown on clients moving in.  They're funny like that. :-) I can't believe I am telling you all of this! I think the main reason is that I feel more like I am typing a personal journal rather than a "news letter".

I am also very humbled by the response of so many people to this blog. It always surprises me when people other than my brothers and sisters step up to the plate for me, I'm not sure why. My Counselor, Cheryl thinks it is probably some things from my past that keep me held in the belief that I am not worthy. Hmm, okay, Cheryl is very smart about stuff like that. She always ends up being right...I hate that!

Anyway, you think I have avoided the whole diet thing a little too long? That's cause today was a lousy day! Most people in pain or discomfort rest and usually eat little or nothing. Well, guess what? Not me! I wanted everything I saw; almost like sooner or later something was going to make me feel better. Then it is aggravated by the fact that I can do hardly anything. I know, I know excuses right? No, a reason maybe, but not an excuse. Heck, I can eat when I have a stomach virus! Huh, wonder if food is addicting? Gotta say DUH to that one.

I still haven't received my menu from MRC yet but they did say it may take a while because of my physical issues and medications. I do have what they call a Pre-Conditioning Menu & Shopping list. It kind of introduces you slowly to the healthier foods. But what I do not understand is the cooking oil thing. You can have Canola or Olive Olive...but not cooked. You have to eat it raw, on salads etc. I am going with Evi tomorrow afternoon to a class she has to go to and hopefully I will get to ask more questions and let you know how this all works.

Thank you again for your comments of support on this blog, facebook and e-mail!

Be Blessed Always,
Niecie Dee

In the Beginning...

Hello, My name is Niecie and I have been encouraged by many to do a blog about my weight loss/getting healthy journey. I am told this will keep me honest and I know it will help to make it harder to give up, make me more accountableand hopefully encourage others along the way. 8-)
I am at a point in my life where I have no other choice but to lose weight...let me give you some background:
I have been married to a wonderful man for 31 years. Bob is amazingly patient, loving and gentle with me. He has taken up the slack many times when I was unable to fulfill my end of the deal due to my situation.
Bob and I have 4 wonderful daughters, Our oldest is 27 and married. Our 2nd works full time as a restaurant manager and is going to college and studying psychology - I may be in trouble. our 3rd is a Junior in high school and our youngest is a freshman in high school. We have two dogs a bird and four pet rats.
My health is very poor. I am in a wheelchair and can only walk about 5 feet (with great difficulty). And can no longer take care of myself properly and have been informed by my Dr. who, by the way is also a caring and patient person - even when I am stubborn and frustrating to work with that I may want to consider going into a nursing home for a while. Wow! I am 51 so this, to me was devastating news.
I am morbidly obese and though I still don't have the guts to tell you how much I weigh I will say that I need to lose around 200 pounds. I have lung and heart problems, osteoarthritis, fybromyalgia, asthma, COPD, different blood diseases, some are autoimmune, acid reflux, migraines, enlarged lymph nodes and spleen. Not all of these are caused by my weight and most of them can not be cured but losing the weight would make most of them much easier to live with. Not only that but now there are a few surgeries that I can not have that would help me with my quality of life due to the high risk of anesthesia, recovery issues and infection. I am on 24 different medicines. I also struggle with depression and anxiety which will make this blog interesting. I have been pointed at, laughed at, mocked, pitied, judged harshly, criticized, humiliated and cussed at for being obese. Okay, some of it may have been for my attitude but let's not split hairs. :-)
I feel trapped and held captive with my life the way it is right now. Imprisoned in my own body - so to speak.
When I heard the words of Dr. C I contacted a good friend ;from church and we both knew that it was more than a coincidence as she was planning on starting at the Metabolic Research Center to lose a few pounds of her own. My friend Evi is in the medical field so she called my Dr. and rearranged one of my meds so it would be possible for me to go on the "diet".
We went yesterday, 2/26/11. Evi got her instructions but they have to make a special menu for me. Hopefully I will get it this week.
So, I am going to take you on this journey with me, if you want to come of course. I will try to honestly share my thoughts, feelings, progress, the ups and the downs. So please stop in once in a while and share your thought and feelings. Ask questions and keep me on my toes. I need it and hopefully you will be blessed as well.
Don't worry, my future blogs won't be quite so long. This is just to explain my situation and give background info.

God Bless You Always,
Niecie