Morphine the Floating Man and the Ghost Dog

Yep, it's me and it has been awhile. There is so much to share that it is going to take much longer than one posting to fit it all in so I am just going to let God guide me. Sounds like fun, huh?

This is the first time in a long time I have felt the urge or compulsion to write a blog. Seriously, I had the hardest time even thinking of what to write. I tried many times but my heart just wasn't in it. I think it must of been some of my meds because after switching me to a different med the desire started to build, and well, here I am.

As most of you know I have been ill from about August of last year till now. I had my spleen removed in February, yadda, yadda, yadda I am getting better. I am so thankful to my family, friends and church for the prayer support and gifts. I know that God is working through my doctors hands as well and I am extremely thankful for their care and concern for my well being - even if I could eat only ice chips for five days...all is forgiven. I did get Popsicles after all.

 After surgery, I was flying pretty high on morphine (gotta love that magic button) . I was enjoying the fact that my dog Shy Shy was with me curled up in the chair across the room and the man floating by the clock was waving at me. I was just as amused by the pretty colors I was seeing. Of course Shy wasn't there and I am pretty sure the floating guy wasn't  real.

Apparently, my kids got a few good laughs. I guess I talked to myself a lot and once threw a stuffed monkey at Lindsay because she took sides with the physical therapist lady that was trying to get me up for a walk...Guess I didn't want to go. I also told everyone that I had head lice and to make sure they treated their hair when they got home. I didn't have lice of course but my head must have been itching. All I remember is the floating guy, my dog and the colors. I guess I do remember arguing with a nurse over what day it was...everyday was the 23rd to me and this was valentines day week. Don't know why I had the 23rd stuck in my head but I insisted, Oh well.

After the surgery my kidney's began to fail and the Dr.s were concerned.  Anyway, my numbers came down after three days of people lifting me up in prayer and overnight my numbers were where they should be. The Dr.'s were amazed at how quickly the healing came.  I thanked them for all their hard work and shared with them that our God is amazing!

Also, since Feb. 10th I have lost 32 pounds! I am kind of wavering up and down 4 pounds but I will get there. I haven't had much of an appetite since the surgery. I didn't eat for 5 days so I am guessing my tummy shrunk as they say so it is a good head start for me. I am simply portioning and using info I received from Metabolic Research Center. It got pretty expensive there and I wasn't able to keep up with the cost. The plan works though so, if you can do it, I recommend it.

Well, this is a start. I am glad to be writing again and I hope you like this and all that is coming.


May the Lord bless you and keep you,

Niecie

Waiting While the Weightloss Waits

Good Morning, afternoon, or evening depending on when you read this.

As you know, if you have been reading my blog, my life has been quite...let's say, interesting shall we? We are still in the hotel but have been upgraded to a one bedroom suite. It is so nice just to have space and a bigger place. We now have a living room, a bigger kitchen area and a separate bed room which Bob really needed. He has to be at work at 4:00 am so he goes to bed at 8:00 or 9:00 and in our old room there was no place for me to go in the evening and going to sleep that early was next to impossible...I tried. Anyway, Bob had a hard time sleeping with me around no matter how quiet I was. This room we are in now feels more like a home and Bob can go to bed and close the door. Hopefully, he will feel better and be more energetic. I love my husband soooo much! He is awesome, so patient, so helpful and loving. 31 years and counting.


Let's talk about weight for a few minutes. I have been gaining and losing 12 pounds for the last couple of months. I did go through a time just being nauseated by food. It was so cool. I am still doing that occasionally when I run a fever. Yep, still running fevers.

Once again I am running into those who are ignorant of the ordeal of being obese. So many think that you just eat less and exercise more and you know what? For the regular person that just needs to lose 10 or 15 pounds that is a true statement in most cases. I  don't know about you but I start to feel guilty again thinking about what a lousy person I am because I can not follow through with this seemingly simple plan..."here I go again Lord, as usual I have failed."  "What's the use" and the pattern continues with you covering your true you in layers of food. We set ourselves up to fail the minute we set the goals we know we can not keep. Small goals such as just getting through the day or sometimes even the hour.

It is not that we do not desire deeply - because we do - to do the right thing it is simply that we do not have the knowledge we  need to accomplish with what we must get from our creator.

About a month ago I talked about the scripture in Deuteronomy 30:19 about God presenting to us life and death with the Lord telling us to choose life. Wow, it sounds like maybe that is the first step in a weight loss life style, to choose life. I know it is a step that I have taken and every day there are choices to make. Sometime these choices are hard and I don't always make the right one. Sometimes I seldom make the right one. I let emotional issues dominate.

As I have mentioned before in one of my previous post the Doc's say I am bipolar and can enter into some deep "not caring moods". This is  not an excuse for not choosing life but it is a reason. When I am in these down moods it can make total sense for me to pig out because I just don't care or just want to give up. I have to realize what is real and what is not and "talk myself down" from the ledge - so to speak.

Now, I know you do not have to be bipolar to have these experiences yourselves. I know that many of you struggle with these things sometimes daily. I am right there with you and I know how hopeless and helpless you sometimes feel. My heart knows the pain and tears that come when the frustration of negative decisions hits and the guilt and gut - wrenching reality hits when you stand on the scale. Once again you feel like a failure...I am about to say something you have heard before but does very little good coming from me. Don't stop there! Tomorrow will come and a new day will bring new opportunities. "You are not a failure. You are not unloved. You do not have to feel the guilt that makes you feel like less of a person and unworthy of love. Look around, there are many that the Lord has put in your life that love you." I am one. This is no small thing but it is worth the ride.

I can not tell you what to do but when I am failing in my eating habits and I feel the guilt, the shame and the hopelessness...I start again the next day. It has brought results and I have lost over 54 pounds in 6 months. It could have been more if I would have been dilegent. I have not always practiced what I preached and the struggle goes on. But I have lost 54 pounds! Start over everyday knowing that the LOVE OF GOD remains and He will not depart from you.

I have more good news for you...Above all GOD LOVES YOU. He will NOT stop loving you:
1. Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we^[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
 ⁶ You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
 ⁹ Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! ¹⁰ For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! ¹¹ Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.


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 Thank you again for reading my blog. Thank you to for those who have commented on facebook because of the difficulty of leaving a comment on my post. Thank you for the encouragement and love you have shared with me.

Thank you for bringing us all together in this time of desiring to do what is right.  Lord bless all of those who read this blog and give ministry to those who glean something from the words I have shared. Give hope oh Lord where there is none and show your love to those who need to feel you near. Give them signs and wonders, a speedy loss of weight but Lord mostly bring them through this wilderness with knowledge and the wisdom of your word. Thank you that you belong to us and we belong to you despite what we think. In Jesus name ~ AMEN

 

Shepards are Awesome...

Ok so, once again it has been a while. No excuses, I simply didn't feel much like blogging...

Over the last few weeks we have - once again had some really weird things happen. I just got out last Monday after spending a week in the hospital with a cellulitis infection and now I get to give myself these really cool IV balls...seriously they are little golden Christmas-ish looking ball that I plug into my picc line in my artery until the ball looks like an apple core. It has a heavy plastic thing around it that makes it look like a dead bird or an airplane when it is empty. I plug it into a line and my artery sucks the med out. Pretty cool, huh? Huh?

Seriously though, I gained a total of 15 pounds while in the hospital. I gained mega water weight though in my leg, it was huge, not kidding. It was almost 3 times as big as my other leg at one point. Not to mention that I did nothing but sleep and eat for a week. By the end of the week though I lost all desire for food. I would take three bites of something and be nauseated at the thought of food I have finally reached my first goal of after five years weighing under 400 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!! I like this nausea thing.
I lost all of the weight and more Wooooooo Hooooo! Now that's what I am talking about!
I have also witnessed to half a dozen nurses and  two doctors.

God must have given me a ministry to those in the medical field I can't seem to get away from them asking me direct questions about my faith. Not always of course but enough to keep me interested and prepared for the possibility when I go to an appointment. Plus, God just reminds me of scriptures and in a couple of cases has given me scriptures, words of knowledge and wisdom. It is really cool.
The ironic part about this is that I have always thought of myself as stupid, slow and pretty much useless. Therefore I have felt VERY intimidated by highly educated people and even people in general. Mostly due to some dark areas of my past.  I am still a little nervous but through the years the Lord has assured me that I am not stupid. He has also given me wisdom. God is AMAZING!

It kinda reminds me of David. I used to sing this song at church. It was "Shepard Boy" by Ray bolts. When I first began singing this song I could feel the Lord telling me gently that I was His Shepard Girl.
I of course thought that was ridiculous and that I was being proud and well, stupid. Then I kept getting prophesies of being Gods special servant or some even said Shepard. I also received many prophecies of being a "force to be reckoned with" and a "Warrior clad in diamond armour". Yeah, I know, right?

I hope I am not sounding pompous or puffed up. I am truly in awe and wonderment that the Lord is using me this way and I give ALL the GLORY to HIM. I can guarantee I have nothing to do with this except show up and even that is God most of the time. I believe all of us are "Shepard's" of one type or another

Here is the song that so many times has brought me to tears. Please, please, please listen to it and know it is not just me that this song is for:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSIW0bAxOws&feature=player_detailpage


PS: WE ARE STILL IN THE HOTEL (SEVEN WEEKS NOW) AND THEY HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON OUR HOUSE. THEY SAY WE WILL BE HERE FOR ANOTHER SIX TO EIGHT WEEKS. WE WOULD APPRECIATE PRAYER FOR WISDOM, DIRECTION AND FOR THE WORK TO COMMENCE...THANK YOU SO MUCH...BE BLESSED.

Hunting Wabbits and finding Mud Holes

Things have been exciting around here! I have been walking my dog around the hotel and letting her run in the field next door which has been fine. She always comes back when I call - always. Well, she found a rabbit and took off after it. Bob I called and called and nothing. So I thought 'hey, why don't I drive to Locust St. in my power chair  and get Shy on the other side'? It SEEMED like a good idea at the time. Anyway, I'm rolling along calling for Shy and couldn't find her. So, I decided to head home and see if she came back. I called Lindsay and she said Shy was back.

I was heading down a sidewalk toward Abbott Drive (the airport road). The sidewalk ended so I thought I would just try to ride in the grass until I could get to a driveway not too far up. The sidewalk had a pretty good drop of and mud. I didn't see the mud and got stuck. I had to get up and push my chair out which is very difficult and painful for me to do but I did it. Wait, it gets better. I went back down the sidewalk and drove in the road. I had mud on my feet and on the wheels of my chair. I saw a puddle of water and thought 'maybe if I drive through the water it would clean my tires off and maybe get the excess mud from between my toes. It SEEMED like a good idea at the time.

There was a drop off with a large hole and at the bottom of the hole was more mud. My chair fell off the road into the hole and my chair was leaning to the right. I though I would get out of my chair to push. That is when I found the mud. My foot got stuck in the mud and I fell - in the mud. I tried to stand up and push my chair out but no luck. My right hip, which I was already having trouble with, was much worse and my right leg twisted and I think I pulled something cause it really hurts. Anyway, Two cars stopped. They were so nice and so helpful and very nice. Two men got my chair out and the girl with one of the guys helped me get back into my chair. One of the drivers gave me a towel and the girl helped clean me up a little. I thanked them and told them I was ok now and that I was staying close by and they left. I did see one of them drive by a couple of times on my way back to the hotel. Though I was feeling rather humbled by then. I was impressed and thanking God for the rescue.

When I got home I showered and Bob cleaned up my chair. My hip and leg are pretty messed up but I am so thankful and learned that there are some people out there that are willing to help. Once again God came through and sent someone to the rescue - GOD IS GOOD!!!!

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Thank you LORD for sending help when I needed it! Thank you for watching over me and caring for me even over the small things.


Bless those wonderful people who stopped to help. Reward them for their willingness to help others and for their concern that went beyond just getting me out of the mud. Bless those too that drove by instead of stopping that they may witness your hand working in their lives in mercy and grace. Bring them to and everlasting relationship with you...In JESUS name ~ AMEN

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"He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me".  Psalm 18:19 

Silly Walks and Wilderness Talks

 Hi friends!! I have missed you all. So much has happened and I have so much to say so get the coffee, sit back and prepare for the venting of the "crazy weighing in lady".
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So many of you have told me how much you all like this blog and how you can relate to the contents. I know I say this a lot but I just can't get over the fact that so many people read this blog - even people I do not know! I have had 1333 hits on this sight...1333!!  That is probably not a lot in Blog World but in Niecie World it is pretty cool. Well, I guess I have stumbled onto something... :) So I will submit to my  Lord and my peeps and continue this Journal / Journey with y'all. ;-p.


Well through the weight loss part of this "chapter" in my life I have lost 50 lbs. I probably would have lost 60 to 70 if I would have stayed true to myself. On the other hand I have lost 50#...I'll take it! My clothes are finally starting to get too big - technically I guess it is me who is getting smaller. Don't think clothes grow. Okay, yeah, maybe the stretchy ones but you get my meaning...hmmmm, I am picturing those sponges that grow into different shapes when you put them in water. Someone should invent clothes like that...What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, when we were in Texas and I swam or rather waded and sat in the gulf I noticed my swim suit started to fall off. Remember Monty Python's Flying Circus and the "Ministry of Silly Walks?" That was me limping to the car pulling things up, pushing things down and stuffing things back in. All while trying to breath and walk upright. I am sure people on the beach were turning their head to laugh. I would have...this was funny, I don't care who you are. See  http://youtu.be/IqhlQfXUk7w


I don't know how many of you know it but lately our family has been going through some rather odd circumstances. I found the perfect word to describe our lives of late - Tumultuous: agitated, clamorous,  excited, fierce, hectic, unrestrained, turbulent, vociferous (my new word of the month)..."He was vociferous in his argument". Anyway, I think you get the picture.

We are currently living in a hotel because while Bob and his friend from work were fixing our roof it rained vociferously and the roof had not yet been covered. So, yadda, yadda, yadda the ceiling in our kitchen, laundry room, and the girls bedrooms crashed to the floor. It is pretty crazy and trying to keep up with everything is hard. We have a Studio Sweet with a stove top, microwave and refrigerator. People from my church and family have been very helpful with gift certificates, bringing meals etc... The whole experience has been very eye opening. God has been blessing us left and right. It seems that when there is a need God fills it. He is so good.It is hard but the Lord will see us through.

We found out today that we had hail damage to our roof and the siding of our garage. There could be more we just looked quickly because we were in a hurry. Also, I was in the hospital to receive treatment for a staff infection and an injury to my hip making it nearly impossible to stand up plus I have to go in to have my spleen and groin lymph node removed and biopsied.

You really just have to laugh at this point - we do a lot. God is blessing us through the trials. People have given us money, gift certificates, and have cooked meals. Every time there has been a need the Lord has provided through His bride. Right now I am remembering how God supplied food to his people in the desert. They were in the desert but God supplied their needs. Elijah was in the wilderness and the Lord sent ravens to feed him with bread and meat. In both cases the people involved were in the wilderness. In one instance the Lord had mercy on His people though they were wining and complaining while with Elijah, he was obeying the Lords direction. I know I've written about living in the wilderness in a couple of my post
but well, that's where I am right now so I guess that is what you are going to hear about.

In these experiences I have drawn closer to the Lord which was my and prayer for the past three years. I am gaining back some ground, so to speak, in my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. I am once again feeling His presence, anxious to spend time with him. The Lord spoke something into my heart that He had said to me once before. I was complaining about how I don't see Corrin very often because of her job and her family. I complained that I hadn't seen her for a couple weeks and God said, "Sometimes I go for Months without hearing from you. I miss you too". OUCH!  Of course I was a puddle after that. Repenting to and worshiping Him.

Gotta go for now but I have a lot more to say so be ready! Thank you again for all the encouragements and well wishes. They mean more than you know. And thanks for being patient with me as well.

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Lord Thank you for my friends and family that you have given me. Thank you too for those who have brought us food or finances always at just the right time. You are so merciful to us and your grace knows no bounds. Thank you too Lord for the blessings of the wilderness that bring ever closer to you. We know that when times get hard it would be so much easier to give it all to you. You will always take care of your children.  Teach us to be quick to let go of the things we have no control over and that build walls between us and you Jesus. You are our shelter, our rock, our healer and provider. Seal these things in our hearts that we may remain steadfast and unshaken.
In JESUS name...AMEN!
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Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever.
They will have no fear of bad news; their hearts are steadfast, trusting in the LORD.
Their hearts are secure, they will have no fear; in the end they will look in triumph on their foes.
They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor, their righteousness endures forever;
 their horn will be lifted high in honor.
 The wicked will see and be vexed, they will gnash their teeth and waste away;
  the longings of the wicked will come to nothing.     ~ Psalm 112:6-10

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!!!

Don't know why my FOLLOWERS LIST isn't showing up lately but it seems I'm not the only one! There are tons of postings on the Help screen. There are some answers there but they are gibberish to me. Might as well be in Chinese. I'll get it figured out, always do. :-D I have 15 regular Followers now and there are always more on facebook and email, wow! A couple of times I've got over 30 responses! Who'd a thought I was that interesting, it still amazes me! One of these days I will stop saying that but I can't help it.

So, went to see Dr. C today, got weighed...not good, not good at all. I gained, still retaining water in my ankles, feet, legs, hands and face. still, no excuse for the gain on that scale. Is somebody out there not praying like they should, hmmm? Just kidding guys. Once again I haven't been perfect but I always get back up and keep going. I am really starting not to get this. I just am out of things to say at this point. Not sure what to do now. I will keep you posted - whether you like it or not.

I have had a couple of humiliating things happen this last couple of weeks regarding my weight and it has been really hard not to be frustrated with myself. Got to admit it gets harder to see myself "healthy". I know, I know it will happen. I am just sayin' - it has become very hard and frustrating. 

No poison ivy yet, I figure I have at least until this weekend to know if I will get it or not. I have never had it in my life even though I have slept in it, walked in it, fallen in it. I even picked some once when I was young to show my grandpa what it looked like - I suppose I was about 7 or 8. He knew. Apparently, he had a really bad case of it in WWII, like he even had it internally - nose, mouth, throat. I learned this by his reaction to me bringing it to him. He yelled at me and explained at length just what poison ivy can do. This was followed by a gasoline hand wash a bath, and a shower. Yep, it turned out to be quite traumatic, haha!

Sorry if this post was a bit of a downer. Maybe you can go back and read one of my more uplifting or funnier ones. There are a few of those.

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Lord, thank you so much for family and friends who care so much and are so patient to listen and pray for me. Everyday I see how blessed I am and how full you are of mercy and grace. Lead us all on the path of righteousness, strengthen us in your wisdom and in your Spirit. 
For those facing the floods Lord turn this around for your glory. Give us direction and insight as to our roll in this mess. Help us to be quick to respond to those in need of our help. Surround us with your peace and draw us all closer to you. In Jesus Name I pray AMEN!! 

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"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you" ~ Psalm 5:11

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~ Romans 15:13

Little Smilies and Poison Ivy's

Hi All, first God Bless you for your friendship, caring and not giving up on me! :-) It seems like whenever I am finding this weight loss frustrating and impossible or I am struggling with my physical or emotional issues, some one IM's me, emails or calls. It gives me a reason to move forward. I have had a rough couple of weeks and that happened four times in that time period - just out of the blue and just when I was feeling alone in this, ummmm  let's say "quest". God is good and I am blessed!

Well, haven't made it in for a weigh-in lately. It is just hard to get there with everything going on. I will go to see Dr. C tomorrow and will get weighed then.

I hope by now you all know that weighing-in doesn't just mean physical weight right? It also means weighing-in of stories, opinions and thoughts.

Stayed in cabins at Waubonsie State Park this past weekend!!!! My favorite place in my little world to be. Went camping with my sisters and their girls, Bob, Lindsay and Lindsay's boyfriend Derek. I love being with them all but my nieces had me almost rolling on the floor...OMG!! They are all so quick witted and very smart - they're Corcoran's, that is for sho! Jenna (13) was a complete goof ball and cracked me up with her little sayings and attitude! Allie (10) was making me laugh every time she opened her mouth. Katie (7) gave us all Astronomy lessons. For instance did you know that every city has a little dipper? I know right? Also, the big dipper has been misnamed it is really a big soup spoon! She'll work for NASA someday I am sure of it.  Katie also found out she wasn't really a warewolf which made her cry but she did do some tricks for me and when I asked if she could scratch behind her ears she grabbed her foot with her hand...and did. She also did some B boxin when she was the gangsta (not gangster) worm. It might not all sound as funny on paper but if you could have been there...you'd a been running to the rest room too. I LOVE MY NIECES TO PIECES!! Al and Jenna call me their camping mom - we are besties you know!

I took a long stroll on my power chair to see the beautiful sights. I was doing fine until I tried to get up the hill to get home. It was a two block hill and as I worked my way up my chair slowed down, overheated (it was 100 degrees) and finally stopped. I would shut it off for a while, go ten feet and shut it off again. I had about 1/2 a block to go when the towel that was on my seat fell off and wrapped itself around my right wheel. This took my chair, and me to the right and into a HUGE patch of waist high Poison Ivy!!! The poison ivy did stop me from careening into a ditch so I'm guessing there is probably a moral (or two) to this story.

An elderly couple stopped and asked if I needed help. Believe it or not I said no and I was fine, they just sast there looking at me then I thought about my predicament and said yes - pride is a funny thing. These lovely people helped me out and pushed my chair to the top of the hill. The woman said she had felt guilty about being there instead of helping with sandbags in Hamburg, IA but now felt a lot better about coming since she was able to help me. I blessed someone while being a total idiot... :) I told her that I believed God had her there at the right place at the right time, gave her a big hug and thanked her husband and went on my way only to discover I had blood running all over from all the scratches because of the blood thinners. Made it to the showers and had Patty run up a change of clothes and toiletries - The End (well it will never be the end because my family will NEVER let me live this down...)

Blessing to you all!!
Niecie

Never Shout Never - On The Bright Side Official Music Video

I Love Me Some Gushers

Wow, I had no idea it had been this long since my last post. Sorry all who have been asking when my next one was coming out, really. I am really surprised how many people read this blog and excited by how many are encouraged or feel that someone out there can relate to them or they are simply entertained. I am humbled by that. I get two or three people a week asking about it - this always amazes me. All I am doing is journaling - talking about myself, feelings and experiences. I will try to do a better job in the future about getting this out.  Problem is I really have to be in the mood to write and sometimes that takes a while. My nature seems to want to avoid or 'deny' issues in my life - Though my friend Cheryl may tell you differently. It did however take months for me to finally really talk to her.  Now she is probably secretly wishing I'd just shut up. :)

I have lost 7 more pounds!!! That is 13 in the last month! Yeah!  I did have a packet of gushers today sooo...I cheated. I think I am supposed to ask myself, "Is your health worth a packet of gushers?" Ummm, yeah, if it is the Watermelon Blast or Strawberry Splash, duh!  Just kidding, 8:). (hands in pockets and kicking dirt)...I was wrong. I should'a had some real fruit instead. I will try harder next time. *sigh*

For the last couple of weeks my brain seems to be on overtime. Apparently the ADHD is really kicking in
All things are made complicated by over thinking. My head has been very noisy...all my thoughts try to break through at once.

We are going camping at Waubonsie State Park this weekend. You are welcome to stop by for a visit if your weekend gets boring. We will be at Windy Knoll cabin - can't remember the number. It is a wonderful place to escape to...

God Bless!
Niecie

For I do not do the good I want...

Weighed in today...not pretty. In the last two weeks, since my last weigh in, I have gained 10 pounds. I definitely have a lot of water retention going on which is probably about half the weight. I can even feel the swelling in my hands and face. Still that is five pounds of not eating right. (I can't believe I am admitting this. But, accountability is accountability and part of that is to be honest...darn it)!

I can't stop, gotta keep going. If not my Dr says I die. Hmmmmm...let me think...food or life? Food or life?  I have a choice...a choice, hmmmm, I know I've read something about this - but where?

I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse: therefore choose life, that you may live... ~ Deuteronomy 30:19

I envy so much those who can see that clearly and change on the spot and begin living a life of positive choices, but I gotta tell you, in the majority of people, this is not so. We seem to struggle so much with making the right choices. Even when we know what the results will be, or we expect different results. That my friends, is the definition of insanity. Immediate gratification takes precedence over what we know is right.

None of us are immune to sin. Sin dwells within our flesh and the fight goes on. We so desire to do what is right - that is my desire - yet we continue to do what is wrong. This war has waged since the Garden of Eden.

For I do not do the good I want, but the wrong I do not want is what I keep on doing.~ Romans 7:19

Be of good cheer though my friends!! For once again we can know that God is on our side in this. If we are in Christ Jesus then we can know there is healing and forgiveness and the Spirit of God dwells within us. We can not overcome it alone. Though we sin in our flesh our spirit desires to do good and soon we can overcome the thing which pulls us down as we continually seek after God's ways and begin to turn away from our own.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

Man, I never should have started this. I could go on all night on this topic but I need to get some sleep as it is 3:30 in the a.m. that I am writing this.

I continue to pray for all of you and ask the God of Mercy to draw you near and surround you with His peace. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.

Thank you for your comments and suggestions it is nice to know someone is reading this. 8:)

Niecie

 

Oh, I Love/Hate to go a Wandering...

I will weigh in tomorrow. It has been a while and there is no new news I still stand at 34 pounds lost. But, I think I am finally beginning to understand 'why' I eat....and it ain't pretty.
I am struggling with a lot of pain. Apparently, I am having a "flair up" of some kind and my joints, legs, shoulders and muscles rebelling!! Thought I was past that but I guess not. Yet I know the Lord didn't lead me this far to stop now! So I would really appreciate the prayer. This fight can be tiring.
Just a reminder to some of you who may not understand the continual battle of the obese. Have mercy, please. When you are working so hard to change your life hearing childish comments and snickering as you walk by or giggling after you walk by makes things all the more difficult. You do not know where these people have been or what the reasons are for their obesity are so lighten up. I can guarantee if they knew why they were in that situation they would not be in it.
So, I have learned a lot about myself over the last few weeks. More than I ever think I wanted to know. Over the last couple of years I have been, as my Pastor calls it, 'in the wilderness' - I call it Wilderness World or WW. It is a remote barren place that seems to have no end. It is also one of the loneliest places I have ever been. It is like being a "Mental Hermit". People surround you, those you love are still in your life but there just seems to be a disconnect with it.
It is almost like being drawn away from the world. Only problem is, you don't know which way to go at first. You just kind of wander aimlessly until you tire then wander some more trying to figure out where you are going. Then, as in my case...you eat!! Cry, and then roam some more.
People would tell me that this was a place of growth. To me it felt like a place of pits and snares and mud canyons. ~~~~~~~Uh oh~~~~~~ flashback~~~~~~~~~We used to have this place at Camp Wa-Shaw tee called Lost Canyon. We would get to go once a year during our camp session. I can't remember how long we used to hike to get there but it was a ways - and seemed to be mostly up hill. When we would finally get there we would run down to this creek that filled with clear cool water, and then you stepped in and were up to your knees in mud!! Not kidding you! We had tug-o-wars over the mud we wresteled, waded, rolled, dove and swam in the mud, and it was thick! Anyway, as much fun as we had it was also inevitable that someone would get stuck and need to be pulled out of the mud. And shoes would be lost as well as other articles of clothing. Walking across that creek without falling was almost impossible. It was debilitating...but funner than heck! However, we would begin to wonder if the whole thing was worth it when we would begin the long trek back to camp. We were caked in mud it was on us, in our clothes, in our shoes - if we still had them, in our hair and soon it would begin to harden making you feel a little like the Tin Man in the Wizard of OZ. Usually the temperature would be in the 90's and by the time we would get back, get hosed down...yes, hosed down and took our showers - the only time we got hot showers by the way - we were spent and became zombies for the rest of the day. Hey, there's a novel idea "Attack of the Girl Scout Zombies" from lost canyon. Muuhahahahahahahahah!! Sorry, just a thought. :) The point, I think, is in the wilderness there are some "Lost Canyon's" appropriately named. Places in the Wilderness World that are hard to get through, time consuming and sometimes down right exhausting.
BUT, if you are walking through this wilderness now TAKE HEART!! Because you are not there alone. It may feel that way but you are not! The Lord is walking right along side of you. In my case He seemed rather quiet and it took me a while to figure out he was there because when I would get stuck in the mud and mire he would pull me out. When I was exhausted he would give me rest and when I was lost He would lead me. When I asked questions He answered and I wasn't always happy with the answer. I felt that I hadn't heard from Him for so long I was happy to hear anything. He has your attention I know He had mine.
I'm not out of the wilderness yet but I think - I think I am beginning to get it...
I continue to lift you all up in prayer and I am so thankful to have so many wonderful people walking through this with me. Thanks to you who have contacted me via comments, e-mail and facebook. It means a lot to hear feedback on this jibber-jabber. :)

We are Gods favorite (nana-nana-nana)

Well, I have had an interesting week...imagine that. First off let's get the weight thing out of the way...I gained 1/2 pound which is odd because I was on a clear liquid diet all Tuesday and ate nothing Wednesday, ate very little on Thursday and Friday morning before weigh in I had yogurt and a protein bar. They have been telling me that if I do not eat I do not lose.  Apparently they are correct. So, I am a little frustrated. It seems like when I am eating the most I lose the most. *sigh* Sounds a little Twilight Zone-ish to me.

This weekend I am going to be really serious about getting the diet started again. I am off to a good start today. So, hopefully I will see results soon. I better!! Now, I just have to get the swelling in my legs down and drink megatons of water...no problem.

This week I have been thinking about who we are in the eyes of Christ verses who we are in our own eyes. It is apparent that most see themselves as far less than they really are. If we could only grasp part of the love that the Lord has for us we would always be walking on sunshine.

Recently, I have had to face some spiritual truths about myself that helped me to realize the reality that there are 'forces' or 'powers' that draw us so far away from God and the way that is usually done is by destroying our view of who we really are and not allowing us to reach the potential we have or to feel we are are the people God created us to be.  I have felt like I was such a disappointment to God and that I could never be who he wanted me to be. I felt like a failure and incapable of doing anything God had for me. This had been because of somethings that I had been told in the past. It is difficult to see Gods view of you any different than what you have been or what you have felt or have been told through out your life.

There is an enemy- the devil - out there that wants to strip you of your knowledge of Gods love. He wants nothing but failure, self pity, hatred, unforgiveness, indifference and destruction for you. He is afraid of who you can become when engulfed in the love of God. Think about it. If there was someone in your past, especially as a child,  of whom you were jealous the first thing you did was try to make them feel bad about themselves so that they would not be able to succeed in their goals.

satan wants to steal you away from the one who gave his life for you, the one that took your sins for you.
Why would Jesus make the huge sacrifice he did for you if you were not precious and loved by him. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Call on the name of the Lord an you will be saved. We are ALL Gods favorite

It sounds easy, and it is. Jesus did the hard part. Confess your sins to the Lord, ask forgiveness, acknowledge that He is God, and let Him know you accept Him as the Lord of your life.

I really do not mean to preach but I need to hear this stuff too.

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Lord thank you for my friends and family that are so caring and have been such a wonderful support for me through this weight loss and healing process. Watch over them, keep your mighty hand upon them and deliver them from the hands of the enemy. Protect them and give them peace. In Jesus name AMEN!
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Fan into flame the gift of God...for God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self discipline. ~ II Timothy 1:6,7

I'm Baack!

Well lost 3 1/2 pounds...and away we go once more! I was so relieved and couldn't wait to just get it over with. I feel like I am back on track and now that I am off of the steroids. Yeah!

Processing the Brain...hmmmm.

Hi everyone! Hope all is going well with you all! Tomorrow is another weigh in and I am feeling good about this one. I've been patient, I've been good. So, we shall see.

Thanks so much for the response of the past being the past. It is just hard sometimes to remember that I am a grown up now and need to move on, up and away. It might just be the bipolar thing too. ;-) Yep, they say I am bi-polar...Of course they say that a lot lately. My brain and thought process gets quite the work out. I am sure by the content of some of my postings you will soon discover some of it may be true. Ha ha!! It is all good though it makes life interesting and gives my children and husband a lot of cheap entertainment. They shake their head and roll their eyes a lot. Between the ADHD and bi-polar issues I can be a bit unpredictable.  : ) That can be a good thing, right? I said right?

How are all of you doing on your weight loss - those of you who are dieting? I continue to lift you up in prayer and intercession the the Lord would empower you in your walk with him.  How many of you are in some kind of  a weight loss program or even just trying to do it on your own?  This is very hard work and I don't know how to do it by myself. Don't know what I would be doing without the support I have gotten. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I really want to give some of this love back. Thank you soooo, much for all of your support! Please e-mail me with questions and concerns. I am by no means a professional but I do know how hard losing weight can be. Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt.

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Because of His great love for us. God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in with Christ ~ Ephesians 2:4-5
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Steroids Do Not Good Diet Pills Make...mmmmm yes!

Hi all! Well not good news today. Seems like all the steroids and potassium are holding me in limbo! At least that is their explanation. I know I am following the diet very closely but had a frosting less cupcake on Sunday and I am sure that wouldn't explain it.  So, guess it must be the Drugs...sigh. It is still frustrating when you know you are doing all you can do. I am trying to keep in mind it is not my fault...but it is hard. However, I am not wavering on this diet and I will be off of the steroids by the end of the week though I will have to continue the potassium for a couple months. I think that is causing me to retain water. My feet started swelling right after I started taking it.  We shall see.

Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. They are gold to me right now. You all are just the best group of people ever!!

I also want to ask the if you go in for a free evaluation at the Metabolic Research Center Pleeeeaaaassssseee
let them know that I recommended you. This will give me an opportunity for free products at the center. I could use this very much as well. If I get enough credit built up then maybe I can help you or others out. The Center I go to is:
Metabolic Research Center
3604 Twin Creek Dr # 111
Bellevue, NE 68123-4079
(402) 682-9000
I really like Andra - she's my favorite - You can request her if you would like.
She is very encouraging but honest. The Evaluation is free but you have to make an appointment.
I think you can give my name at any of the MRC's.

Okay, so, enough about that. I have a question for you...the question is...is your past really the past when it effects your life so much in the present??? I know so many people that can just forget about negative things that have happened to them and go on with completely normal lives completely uneffected by the past. How I envy them! They have a way of just accepting things the way they are and jet past the emotional scars and negative responses.

My pastor speaks of blessing your past because the possitive and negative experiences have helped to make you you.

People say you should feel blessed compared to many others who suffer in the world.

Read the bible more...pray more...worship more...speak positively into your situation don't make negative words.

Well I have done those for my entire christian walk since 1993!!! It doesn't always work. Sometimes you have to attack the root so you can heal. I grew in the church fearing to speak or talk about many of my issues of life. There were a few that I could open up to but not many. And people would judge me because I wasn't like them.

Personally, I see walking through those things as faith because you are dealing with them with the Lord walking beside you and drawing the real you out. Does that make sense? I think if you just ignore the issues pretty soon things get rotten and provide food for the roots of distruction.

What do you think??? Just curious.

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Thank you Oh Lord that you are faithful to your word and that you care so much for every intricate part of our lives.
Please watch over my family and friends who are so loyal in praying for me. Bless them, hold them close to your heart and guide them in the areas of their lives where they need your loving, gentle touch the most and heal their bodies their spirits and minds. In Jesus Mighty Name, AMEN!!
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Please let me know if you are reading my blog and let me know what you think. My e-mail address is
boden235@hotmail.com. I would love to talk to you share ideas or help to encourage you in any way I can...etc...

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...?

Well, once again I appologize for my absence. I am not giving up but went through a lot of junk over the last week or so.

I had my CT Scans last Tuesday and it looks like there was no change in size for my lymph nodes except the node in my abdomin they can not tell if it has grown or not because of the view. My blood test once again came back "inconclusive". So, I will have another CT Scan and all the blood test repeated in four months.
Fun times, fun times.

I have been having bleeding issues so will go in for a colonoscopy and endoscopy next Wednesday. My hematologist/oncologist says I have to get off of the Pradaxa and go back on the lovonox shots (blood thinners) and then go back on the warfarin (blood thinning pills after the scopes). Looks like another exciting week!!

I go for my weigh in tomorrow so I will get back to you then!! I have a few more things to discuss and hope to get some insight from some of you...I will try to get back here tomorrow.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support. I continue to lift you all up in prayer daily! Thanks to all of you that have told me about following my blog and in some cases shard how it is helping you. I am truly humbled by that. Love Y'all

Carbs, Carbs Go Away

Wow! So sorry it has been so long. I have been preoccupied lately with some personal things.

So, let's see, okay so last Friday 03/18 I went for a weigh in and had lost 3 more pounds and then today lost 8.5 for a total weight loss of 34.5lbs! I was wondering how I was going to do because I was not feeling well this weekend. Nauseous, headache, weak & shaky. Anyway, it was hard to eat. What little I did eat I had to force, yuck. I am feeling a little better but still not able to eat a lot. I am trying to eat a little bit from everything on my menu and that's even hard. On this diet they say that if you do not eat you don't lose.... hmmm. I have been trying to make sure I eat the proteins and veggies and dairy that does seem to help with this weight loss. I was a carb eater before and really as soon as I started eating protein rich foods I started wanting the carbs less. So it is true that the lean protein foods help with the craving. They also help with binging. That is the #1 secret I have learned so far...

My head has been flooded over the last few days. Seems like my brain is clattering non-stop again. From one thought to another thought to another thought to...you get my drift I am sure. Then you get thoughts interrupting your other thoughts. They say this is ADHD. Yep, added that to my list about two years ago. Who'd a thunk that one huh?

While I am sitting here typing this blog I am babysitting my daughter's rat, Pasta, who is dying. Don't know what happened but she is paralyzed from the neck down. I don't know if it is a stroke or if she was hurt or what. She did eat some banana and licked some orange. Poor Lindsay, She has had bad luck with her rats and she takes good care of them too. She had one die about a year ago also. 

I hope you all are doing well. I can't think of too much more to write now. I had all kinds of ideas at the beginning...ADHD strikes again.

WoooHooo!!

Ok.....your not going to believe this.....I lost another 14 pounds for a total of................22 pounds!!!!

Another thing that the church prayed for me was to lose weight supernaturally, so, Yeah! 22 pounds!! That is really in two weeks because the first week I didn't lose at all. I know some of it is water weight but still it's weight loss, right?

I will keep you posted. I may add to this post later.

Be Blessed Always,
Niecie

Cool Beans!!!! God is so Good!!!!!!

Well, A LOT has happened since my last blog! I am pretty sure I have lost more weight though I do not weigh in until tomorrow. Still having a hard time eating all the food. This is the perfect for a binger, seriously. You eat all the time.  I will let y'all know the results of the weigh in as soon as I get a chance. Thank you so much for hanging in there with me. The comments I have gotten on the blog via e-mail and on facebook have been so encouraging.

First I want to publicly PRAISE GOD for answering prayers yesterday during our 2:00 praise service! There have been many healings taking place at Victory Fellowship in Council Bluffs and I know that this is only the beginning! I was prayed for by many brothers and sisters in the Lord and today I am walking without a cane for most of the morning and didn't need to use my wheelchair until about 12:00. I can stand up and sit down without assistance I still have pain but Bob and I figure it has put us back to about a year ago when I could walk short distances without assistance. The Pain is probably about 50% less!! Why He didn't take it all I am not sure but knowing me there is a reason and a lesson to be learned. I am just glad for the rest. God is sssoooo Good!!!

My concern lately had been, as you know, that I would end up in a 'Skilled Nursing Facility' which was seeming more and more likely. To the point where I had been calling around and getting information and getting ready to go. It was one of the scariest things I had done. Now, I am just healed enough to know that I can STAY HOME with my family!!

Another thing that happened when I was prayed for, all of the fear, all of the anxiety left me and peace truly filled me completely! I felt like I was standing in a pool of warm water that began to move up into my legs. I felt a peace come over me like never before. Since then I have felt relaxed, calm and peaceful. I am able to think clearly, all the clatter in my brain seems quiet. Our Pastor had spoken of the power of peace with peace being our greatest weapon against our circumstances and the enemy. I think when he steals our peace he steals our faith and he steals our joy.

A couple of pretty big issues happened today really shook me, but you know what? The circumstances are there, I can't do anything about them but wait on Him to take care of the issues...Lord I will wait for you...

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun scorched land and will strengthen your frame."                                                                                            Isaiah 58:11

May you be blessed always,
Niecie

Plan it, Eat it, Bon Appetit it! ( My New Menus Here, My New Menus Here)

First of all I have a couple of prayer request. If you would please pray for my cousin in. She has some health issues of her own as well as caring for my Aunt who is elderly. My cousin has been having a hard time holding a job due to her physical limitations. She is going to apply for disability as she feels she has tried every other way to make things work. I've been in that place and it is NOT a good place to be.

Secondly, my good friend, Marilyn lost her daughter, Michelle - 21, in a car accident 6 years ago today. Please lift the family in prayer. She has 2 sisters Amy and Elizabeth and a brother Andrew as well who miss her very much, this is a very hard time for them. Michelle was an amazing young woman and Corrin's best friend. I was lucky enough to teach her in Sunday school for a few years and am proud to have her as a part of my families life.

Thirdly, some family friends have lost a newborn baby as well so please pray for the Barrientos family too. It is very sad and very hard for them. ========================================================================

Well, finally! My new menu has come in and it is W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L! It is looking like I can eat most of the things I like. It is going to make things a lot easier for me. Looking at the list I don't see how I can even eat that much. We shall see... (the next day Wed. 3/9)...Nope, couldn't do it. Hmmm..I am sure that after I mess around with it a little bit I will be able to conger up some simple meals using everything on my menu. It seems like all I do is plan and eat, hence the title of this blog. At least I'm staying focused right? : )

This is my fourth day on the diet and I can tell there are some changes. I weighed in yesterday and as of then I had lost....dadadada....9 POUNDS!!! The swelling in my left leg already seems to be going down a lot which means the water weight is finally coming off.  It seemed that no matter what I did the leg kept swelling. My right leg was doing okay...go figure. It is still not where I want it to be (gotta stop here and say too my family - no, I am not referring to the location of my leg on my body) but hopefully with consistency I can get rid of the swelling.

It has come to mind recently, and even into conversation, how we use so many excuses to explain away our behavior. We search and search for a way to justify our actions. We use science, psychology, logic, lying, covering up, whatever information that in any way supports our actions. Many seem to want to turn to genetics as an explanation. However, I can pretty much guarantee you can find as much information that will support your side of the argument as your opponent can find to support his/hers.

Someone said to me this last week that he is the way he is and that the way he was wasn't a choice and that no one would want to be this way given the choice. I had to beg to differ, we as a whole seem to wallow in selfindulgence and instant gratification, no matter what the cost. Then we walk away feeling unfulfilled. I am living a life that is very hard and painful to live in and have given into my 'desires'. It is sad and lonely to believe you have no chance of success or victory. I know, I have been there. Who would want to live this way if they had a choice? Not me, but look how miserable I have become. I have been told time and time again that I am a victim of genetics, I also have a psychological background conducive of obesity and psychological issues and at one time had fallen completely for those explanations. Now I see them as reasons for my situation but not, as one of my favorite quotes go, an excuse. On the genetic side, I may struggle a little harder, maybe a lot harder than some in weight control but that doesn't mean I can't get it done. Is it going to go against my urges and desire for food? Yep. Is it going to be a struggle? Yep. But I know I will feel better about myself in the end and be happier.

I have found too a freedom in 'confession' and recognition of my imperfections and the truth that God cherishes and loves me anyway even though I am unworthy, as are we all, He still loves me and calls me by his name...WOW! Let that sink in because it is the same for you as well. On your worst day, in your darkest hour, through the tears and through the storms He continues to love you. You are His favorite creation and He longs for you to meet with Him.

What is it that I start of talking about loosing weight and end up on a spiritual or philosophical note...hmmm...wonder if it is in the genes, LOL??

Thank you friends for your continued comments, prayers and support. Everyday I am humbled to know there are so many out there who care so much.  Please give me feed back by commenting here or as most have been doing on facebook and e-mail. If you see me around do not be afraid to check up on me...I need the accountability and encouragement.

Be Blessed Always,
Denice
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Lord watch over my friends and keep them safe. Let us remember Lord that your will for us is so much better than ours and that you are with us even when we do not 'feel it'. In JESUS name AMEN.

Dear Bloggery

"Thank you Lord for all of my family and friends! You have blessed me mightily with them. Teach me to return the same in kind and bless them. Amen!"

No menu yet! I am sure I am not the easiest person in the world, diet wise, to make a menu for that I can actually follow with all these health issues and the medicines I take. I think I am doing better on my eating. I have pretty much eliminated sugar except for a sprinkle here and there. My salt intake has decreased by about two cups a day  :0).

Alright, so, yesterday we overslept and missed church. I am a little angry at myself about that because I distinctly remember turning off my alarm clock. I was awake until three due to some issues I was having with aches and pains, trying to not take any extra hydrocodone. Of course everyone I have talked to regarding the service have said it was amazing...UGH! I mean I am glad everyone there was blessed but come on God. :)  Hopefully the service will be on the church website. http://www.vfministeries.com/. Ah huh, see how I worked that in there...clever huh? ;)

Today again, was not one of my better days. It was long and drawn out. I found a couple of other things that I can't do because of my left shoulder. *blog flashback* ~~~~doddle loddle do~~~~~I fell a few weeks back and messed up my knee and a bunch of other stuff. Well, I had my right arm and shoulder x-rayed at the time. Everything came back ok except for an old injury in my right shoulder which I kind of figured I had. I think I hurt it pretty bad about 6-9 months ago when I went to reach for something.  Anyway, the next day everything  hurt and yada, yada, yada I can hardly move my left arm. It seems to be getting worse and I really do not want to call my Dr. office again. I just get this mental picture of the nurses hearing my voice on the answering machine and scrambling in all directions away from the phone shouting "NOT IT"! I know they don't think that way but I do, they even get a little miffed, I think, when I refer to myself as 'The Problem Child'. They really are quite an amazing group of people. I do not know how the people in the medical field do it...I really don't.

Cindy (Boo), my sister and my mom, came over last night. We had a nice visit. They've been reading my blog too so we talked about that, the items we are needing to help with power chair transportation. We need one of those trailer type thingamajigs that can haul my power chair. We need one that can fold up against the car because our driveway is not long enough to keep the trailer attached. Once I can walk a little without help, I will have some relative independence. Right now I have to have someone take me everywhere. I can no longer do it by myself. I have the manual chair now which means we don't have to constantly load and un load the power chair via the ramp but the power chair, however, in many situations, is better to have so I can move about to talk to people at church and other gatherings.  Mom and Boo are both pitching in on the metabolic diet stuff which I am so grateful for...I can always count on my family. My family is pretty cool. You can borrow them sometime if you would like.

I am the oldest of five, My brother Dan is next in line and has a PhD in business. He has a beautiful wife Tammy, and 3 amazing kids - all adults now. Right now he is teaching business via computer at Southern Columbia University. He also has a Masters in  something having to do with environmental hazards. I'm never quite sure. We were best buds growing up and I knew he was very intelligent despite driving my car on the lake of ice when he was 15 or trying to explain the flow of electricity by hooking his friend up to the spark plug of the lawn mower. I am still laughing at that one but not so much the car thing. He is still a dork but a little more of an intellectual dork.

My sister Patty is a Human Resource Director for a local manufacturing company. She is married to a great guy. Patty is amazing! She has 2 boys in collage and a daughter (we're buds) in Jr. High. She works full time, her kids were always involved in sports track, basketball, volleyball, hockey and baseball. She is seriously involved in school parent teacher organization. She's a mad women. She's very level headed and realistic.  She can make me laugh so hard.

Frank is my youngest brother, he is a divorced father of two awesome boys. He is currently dating Cheri who I like very much, she has three great kids too. Frank is a firefighter and for a couple years served as Vice President of the local firefighters union. He dropped out last year before the election so he could spend more time with his boys. He's a pretty neat guy and I kind of like him. However, he like his Dr. brother before him, is a dork. I don't think brothers ever grow out of it...They remain forever ornery and obnoxious. The only difference I can think of is they now have nieces, nephews and children of their own to torment...mostly Frank...

My baby sister is too cool. She works for a big insurance company and is a Contract Analyst. She is married to a terrific guy, Dave who is also a firefighter. She is the dedicated mom of two beautiful and hysterically funny girls. When we go camping her oldest calls me her 'camp mom' Her oldest is 10 and her youngest is 7, I think. She has been very supportive of me in this attempt to lose weight.

Thank you so much for holding me up in your prayers!

Be Blessed Always, 8: )
Niecie Dee   

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"Father God you alone are mighty to the pulling down of the strongholds in our lives. I thank you that you have called us by your name through the blood of your son and counted us worthy to be called the sons of God. I thank you Lord that every imperfection in us becomes perfect in you and that you are quick to answer our prayers. I thank you too that your grace and mercy towards us is never ending and your love for us extravagant.
Lord lead us and guide us by your powerful yet gentle hand. Show us the direction you want us to go that we may walk in it and empower us Lord Jesus to overcome our weaknesses by handing it all over to you and stepping out of the way so that you may bring the victory, that already exists in your plan for us, into our lives. Be glorified in us oh Lord today. In Jesus name AMEN!!!"
(and thank you God for spell check).
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No Menu Yet

Soooo, still no menu for me but I went to an introductory class with Evi, this time I was her support. It turned out to be a two hour class that should have been 1 hour tops. It was mostly about the product line but tonight I will be busily looking for substitutions. There are only two mandatory supplements that you have to buy from them...that's cool.

My Doctors and Nurses care. My Counslor Cheryl helped us locate a manual wheel chair for about 1/3 of the price we were looking at - and figure we would have to wait a few months for. My nephew is a personal trainer and he has offered his advice. A friend that works at No Name Nutrition has offered her help. I have a cousin who is a Physical Therapist. Many others have offered to listen, transportation, escapes, the option to go to Sri Lanka for surgery if I need it... "The board is set, the pieces are moving" Gandalf the White.  I am so humbled, really, I never knew there were so many people out there wanting to help, I really am amazed. This is way cool and a little hard for me to take in. I am so thankful for the generosity, prayers and the Love of my family & friends.  This is being set up for something special down the road...There is a much bigger plan here then a weight loss program. God is amazing and I give Him the Glory for it ALL. I know too that God is going to be blessing you all big time. If any of you want to talk, text or im and if I can be of any help to you, please do not hesitate to get in touch. I am here for you all too. Also, knowing that so may people are behind me keeps me lifted up and encouraged. I have made a promise to myself that I will NOT give up this time.

I am sitting here listening to some Smooth Jazz while I write this....Ahhhhhhhh *sigh*. Gotta love Andre Ward.

I was so angry today, I mean I was angry! Today was probably the most painful day I have had. All of my joints are swollen and my muscles were hurting so much even the softest touch was painful. Everything I had to do was complicated by the pain and the lack of mobility due to the swelling. Trying to straighten out my left hand was even difficult. Not looking for sympathy here but just want you to understand how nasty this all was something just burst in me. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING MISERABLE!!! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF MY HUSBAND AND KIDS HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT ME DYING OR HAVING TO GO TO SOME KIND OF CARE FACILITY!! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF NOT BEING ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!! I HATE THAT I AM EXHAUSTED!  Uh oh, the jazz stopped helping.

Dr. C., Evi and a few others were right. I have to hate this! I see what food is doing to me. I see how it is affecting my family and friends. The look of helplessness on their faces and even fear as they watch me get worse. Yet, they are loving me anyway...sometimes with tough love but they are loving me. They want me here for them - their kids, their weddings, their proms and their dances. I want to be there when they need me.  I want to be able to walk trails when we go camping. I want to go on rides at theme parks with my kids and they want it too. I have no excuses, I have no defense and yup I did this too myself and I am the only one that can undo this for myself. I hate what I have done!!! I despise the

I want to see food as a necessary evil I don't even want to 'enjoy' it any more. I almost feel at this point that food to me is like an abusive relationship. I go to it for comfort,or whatever, and it knocks me down, bruises me, sends me to my wheelchair crying and hating myself for allowing it to treat me this way. Then returning again the next day for more of the same...Man, have I been stupid!!

With all that being said, when you pray for me, please get angry with me. This needs to STOP! I can not allow it to go on any further! Pray for my heart to remain as it is now - with the same attitude. Put on the Holy boxing gloves with me!!! Let's do this!!

I hope it didn't get too weird and I didn't freak out too much for you. :)

"Lord, thank you so much for my family! They are the most wonderful gift I have ever received.I do not know where I would be without them and just seeing their faces every day brings joy to my heart and I can not, not smile. They are wonderful!
Thank you for my friends whom you have chosen to put into my life at this time. Lord I am truly humbled by the concern, prayer and support they have given freely. I see so many ways for me to be a better friend by their example.  Lord guard them and keep them strong. Bless and prosper them in body, in mind, and mostly in spirit where the true wealth lies. But Lord meet their physical needs as well. Speak to them all in dreams and visions. Draw them to you for peace, protection and strength. Show them, Jesus, who you are if they do not know already. In Jesus mighty name, Amen.


"The desire of the righteous ends only in good..." Proverbs 11:23

Be Blessed Always,
Niecie Dee

I'm sorry...what? No cream cheese?!?

Wow! Very Crazy days - yesterday and today! Evi and I weighed in yesterday...she did great, lost 3 pounds! Me? Not a single pound lost or gained, zero, nada. I didn't think I would lose too much since I haven't received my menu yet and am still trying to kind of figure this all out, but nothing?

Anyway, I came home feeling pretty bad and confused (not that that was too different). I really, really wanted to BINGE...but I didn't. I threw away the cream cheese I had stashed after receiving a call from Evi stating that I needed not to let the cream cheese control me but that I should control the cream cheese...she was right. She's usually right...I hate that! Love you though Evi.

I'm sorry guys...not feeling well...must go...to sleep. Fading fast...must find meds...one more... very important ..thing... before I go...matter of life and death...it's.........................................................

It's a Reason Not an Excuse

Well, Evi said I should blog and not eat anything until I finish soooooo, this may be a very short blog, :) lol. Hmmmm, where to start??? Ah, I know,  I wanted to mention that with all of the people who give obese people a hard time by their ignorant and demeaning comments and actions I am just as amazed by the kindness, understanding and compassion of people who want so bad to help but have no idea how.

My primary care physician and his staff are wonderful, they work so hard to help me find answers. I never feel judged, embarrassed or demeaned. It is a safe place for me. My church is another place that people are without judgement - the atmosphere is peaceful and welcoming. There are many caring, encouraging people out there.

Okay, so here's another confession. I am currently seeing a Christian Counselor who has been very instrumental in getting me to the point of change and even wanting to change. Another person who is stepping up to get me past these hurdles and it is another safe place to be. Sometimes I don't want to leave but they frown on clients moving in.  They're funny like that. :-) I can't believe I am telling you all of this! I think the main reason is that I feel more like I am typing a personal journal rather than a "news letter".

I am also very humbled by the response of so many people to this blog. It always surprises me when people other than my brothers and sisters step up to the plate for me, I'm not sure why. My Counselor, Cheryl thinks it is probably some things from my past that keep me held in the belief that I am not worthy. Hmm, okay, Cheryl is very smart about stuff like that. She always ends up being right...I hate that!

Anyway, you think I have avoided the whole diet thing a little too long? That's cause today was a lousy day! Most people in pain or discomfort rest and usually eat little or nothing. Well, guess what? Not me! I wanted everything I saw; almost like sooner or later something was going to make me feel better. Then it is aggravated by the fact that I can do hardly anything. I know, I know excuses right? No, a reason maybe, but not an excuse. Heck, I can eat when I have a stomach virus! Huh, wonder if food is addicting? Gotta say DUH to that one.

I still haven't received my menu from MRC yet but they did say it may take a while because of my physical issues and medications. I do have what they call a Pre-Conditioning Menu & Shopping list. It kind of introduces you slowly to the healthier foods. But what I do not understand is the cooking oil thing. You can have Canola or Olive Olive...but not cooked. You have to eat it raw, on salads etc. I am going with Evi tomorrow afternoon to a class she has to go to and hopefully I will get to ask more questions and let you know how this all works.

Thank you again for your comments of support on this blog, facebook and e-mail!

Be Blessed Always,
Niecie Dee

In the Beginning...

Hello, My name is Niecie and I have been encouraged by many to do a blog about my weight loss/getting healthy journey. I am told this will keep me honest and I know it will help to make it harder to give up, make me more accountableand hopefully encourage others along the way. 8-)
I am at a point in my life where I have no other choice but to lose weight...let me give you some background:
I have been married to a wonderful man for 31 years. Bob is amazingly patient, loving and gentle with me. He has taken up the slack many times when I was unable to fulfill my end of the deal due to my situation.
Bob and I have 4 wonderful daughters, Our oldest is 27 and married. Our 2nd works full time as a restaurant manager and is going to college and studying psychology - I may be in trouble. our 3rd is a Junior in high school and our youngest is a freshman in high school. We have two dogs a bird and four pet rats.
My health is very poor. I am in a wheelchair and can only walk about 5 feet (with great difficulty). And can no longer take care of myself properly and have been informed by my Dr. who, by the way is also a caring and patient person - even when I am stubborn and frustrating to work with that I may want to consider going into a nursing home for a while. Wow! I am 51 so this, to me was devastating news.
I am morbidly obese and though I still don't have the guts to tell you how much I weigh I will say that I need to lose around 200 pounds. I have lung and heart problems, osteoarthritis, fybromyalgia, asthma, COPD, different blood diseases, some are autoimmune, acid reflux, migraines, enlarged lymph nodes and spleen. Not all of these are caused by my weight and most of them can not be cured but losing the weight would make most of them much easier to live with. Not only that but now there are a few surgeries that I can not have that would help me with my quality of life due to the high risk of anesthesia, recovery issues and infection. I am on 24 different medicines. I also struggle with depression and anxiety which will make this blog interesting. I have been pointed at, laughed at, mocked, pitied, judged harshly, criticized, humiliated and cussed at for being obese. Okay, some of it may have been for my attitude but let's not split hairs. :-)
I feel trapped and held captive with my life the way it is right now. Imprisoned in my own body - so to speak.
When I heard the words of Dr. C I contacted a good friend ;from church and we both knew that it was more than a coincidence as she was planning on starting at the Metabolic Research Center to lose a few pounds of her own. My friend Evi is in the medical field so she called my Dr. and rearranged one of my meds so it would be possible for me to go on the "diet".
We went yesterday, 2/26/11. Evi got her instructions but they have to make a special menu for me. Hopefully I will get it this week.
So, I am going to take you on this journey with me, if you want to come of course. I will try to honestly share my thoughts, feelings, progress, the ups and the downs. So please stop in once in a while and share your thought and feelings. Ask questions and keep me on my toes. I need it and hopefully you will be blessed as well.
Don't worry, my future blogs won't be quite so long. This is just to explain my situation and give background info.

God Bless You Always,
Niecie